A New Threat: The Arrival of Fat Bird

The rodent rebels have been quiet for some time now. Fairbanks still patrols for spies daily, and he reports that many of the rabbits he originally had on his watch list have either moved to camps far from the palace or grown into adult rabbits, which, he says, all look the same.

Yesterday, however, a new threat appeared. The whispers began mid-afternoon – someone was on the deck. I, of course, assumed it was Katherine, who goes out to find leaves to add to her collection, but no. Katherine was inside with Clara (who was not executed for the water-wake-up incident, despite my insistence that taking swift and decisive action would send a valuable message to the others), staring at the newcomer through the window.

My two least favorite minions discovered the
interloper. Coincidence? I think not.

The interloper was a fat brown bird. Clearly up to no good, she sat on the deck all afternoon and into the evening, fluffing her feathers and eyeing us through the window with beady, suspicious eyes.

Fat Bird

Fairbanks, who is supposed to be in charge of palace security, said he’d never seen her before, but he wasn’t interested in engaging unless she posed a more obvious threat. Like her very presence on my deck wasn’t threatening enough?? I’m seriously considering demoting Fairbanks. Or having him beheaded. He is becoming decidedly useless as he ages.

Useless

My stupid brother Nick was oblivious. Even when the One tried to point out the fat bird to him, he thought she was trying to pet him and just had really bad depth perception, so he helped her out by putting his head in her outstretched hand. He really is stupid.

Nick! Look behind you! Fat Bird is RIGHT THERE!!!

Here are some possible reasons for the fat bird’s presence on the palace premises:

1. Fat Bird is a spy for the rodent rebels and is gathering intel by pretending to be an innocent bird.

2. Fat Bird is a decoy for the rodent rebels, hoping to keep our attention on the deck in back of the palace while the rodents move in and lay siege to the front door.

3. Fat Bird is a French expatriate hiding from . . . the French.

4. Fat Bird is a diet guru who heard my complaints about Clara’s girth and has come to perform infomercials touting low-fat cow chow.

If it is any of the first three, I shall see to it that the fat bird comes to a swift and painful end. If it’s the fourth, the fat bird is obviously not an expert on losing weight (look at her!) and, so, hardly a fit spokesfowl for a diet product. A swift and painful end is probably the best course regardless.