Ways to improve relationships among the palace dwellers

The One Who Types came across an article listing 10 habits people in happy relationships generally exhibit. Since I am rarely happy with the other palace dwellers, I decided to see if anything on this list might force the One and my minions to make me happy on a regular basis.

1. Go to bed at the same time

I go to bed when the One goes to bed because that's when she moves to another room; she can hardly pet me if we're in separate rooms. So, with respect to her, I guess this is a good suggestion, although it ought to go without saying.

On the other hand, recommending that the minions go to bed at the same time I do is hardly going to make me happy! If I'm using the bed, Katherine should be nowhere near it, because I hate her. Also, Clara the Cow takes up so much room, she pushes everyone else off. Fairbanks rarely sleeps on the bed, so I see no reason to add one more body to the mix if he's content to sleep elsewhere. I guess Nick can sleep with us if he stays out of the way and doesn't annoy me.

2. Cultivate common interests

This makes no sense at all. Minions should not have interests in common with those of us who have royal blood. My interests are all suitable for a queen. I'm hardly going to mingle with minions and participate in their common activities! Besides, their interests should be focused on worshiping me and making me happy.

Common interests, indeed.

3. Walk hand in hand or side by side

Ridiculous. How would anyone know I'm the queen if those of lower birth are presumptuous enough to walk along next to me like companions rather than servants?

4. Make trust and forgiveness your default mode

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

What's the next one?

5. Focus more on what your partner does right than what he or she does wrong

If I were to adopt his habit, I'd never have anything to focus on! Nobody in the palace does anything right - that's why I have to rule with an iron paw! Do you think I LIKE throwing people in the dungeon and beheading my subjects? [Editor's note: She does, actually.] I have no choice but to keep my subjects in line or they'd get up to all manner of mischief, such as eating all my special queen food, sleeping on my throne, and pushing me out of the way to get attention (you know who you are, Clara!).

6. Hug each other as soon as you see each other after work

Nick is in charge of hugs. I don't care what goes on in this category as long as I don't have to participate or witness it.

7. Say “I love you” and “have a good day” every morning

The One and the minions should already be saying these things to me - isn't that part of the "worshiping" contract?

As for me, I don't really care if they have a good day or not, and, frankly, if they think I love them, they'll take advantage of me, so . . . no on this one.

8. Say “good night” every night, regardless of how you feel

I don't feel like doing that.

9. Do a “weather” check during the day

I don't know what this means, but I know I don't want to do it.

10. Be proud to be seen with your partner

Right. Like I'd be seen in the company of any of my palace-mates. Really. I don't even like most of them, and Nick doesn't have a tail!





(The One says I have to give credit to the author of the original article - something about integrity and something else - I wasn't really listening. Anyway, here it is:

Goulston, M. (2009, November 14). 10 habits of happy couples: What does it take to be happy in a relationship? Retrieved from http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/just-listen/200911/10-habits-happy-couples )