I am unique. And also the queen.

It has recently come to my attention that some people have foolishly made comparisons between myself and Grumpy Cat. Apparently, these people think that because we are both feline, Grumpy Cat and I have similar qualities. This is speciesist. And also unacceptable. If they bothered to look past our heritage, they would see that Grumpy Cat and I, in fact, have nothing in common.

First of all – and most important – Grumpy Cat is not of royal birth. This in itself is reason enough to recognize that we are nothing alike. I am a queen. Grumpy Cat is a commoner. 'Nuff said.

And, in case that reason isn't significant enough, Grumpy Cat also hates everything. I do not hate everything. I hate Katherine. And most of the time I kind of hate Clara the Cow. Otherwise, I am a loving, generous, benevolent ruler. I don't complain about things - I solve problems swiftly and judiciously. I stay executions at least once or twice a month. I give my minions a day off when they earn it. And this morning I allowed Clara the Cow to eat some of my special royal food. I could easily have punched her in the face, but I chose not to. Because that's the kind of queen I am. And, for the record, she didn't even appreciate it. So, who's grumpy now?

In case there is any further confusion, here is a list of cats with whom I have nothing in common:


Grumpy Cat – Reasons stated above

Henri, le Chat Noir – I actually think Henri may have royal blood somewhere in his lineage, but that's irrelevant unless he plans to try to usurp my throne . . . or marry me. Royal blood or no, Henri has terrible social skills, which is why he is never invited to balls.

Maru – Does anyone actually know what this cat does that makes him notable? His ears don't even work right [Editor's note: Maru is a Scottish Fold]. Nick is cooler than this guy, and he doesn't have a tail!

Snoopy Cat – This cat wears clothes. Need I say more?

Sam – I don't have eyebrows.

Lil Bub - Seriously?