Tuesday, July 16, 2013

It didn't work for Harold either.

Although I was quite pleased that the One Who Types finally acknowledged that I am special and, thus, deserve my own fancy food, I must admit that I am highly disappointed in the lack of variety I am given. While my minions are presented with various flavors each day, I receive the same meal day in and day out.

In addition, the One Who Types frequently informs me that she is too busy to take dictation for my blog. I've seen other blogs, and their composers manage to get their minions to type their entries regularly - sometimes even daily. This leads me to the conclusion that the One Who Types is obviously pretending to be busy solely to vex me.

In protest to these deplorable conditions, I spent much of the evening yesterday sprawled out on the living room floor, motionless as if dead.

I expected the One Who Types to see me and fly into a panic at the thought of her beloved sovereign expiring from neglect. Instead, she took pictures of me.

Also, Clara and Nick are giggling about something upstairs, and I am certain they are up to no good.

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

New vocabulary

I learned a new word today.

Defenestration: the act of throwing someone or something out a window.

I have threatened the One Who Types with defenestration if she continues to ignore my orders to type my blog. She responded with a diatribe about stuff to do and papers to grade and some other equally irrelevant stuff. Basically it all amounted to, "I have other things I'd rather do than type your blog." Honestly, if I didn't rely on her to open my food, I would not put up with such blatant disrespect.

Nick just pointed out that I also like it when she brushes me. Which is true. I do like to be brushed. But if it weren't for the food dispensing and the brushing, she'd be utterly worthless as a minion.