Friday, April 4, 2014

Key differences between me and Clara

Last night when everyone was almost asleep, Katherine jumped at Clara and pummeled her in the face for no reason. It was hilarious. If anyone else had done it, I would have given her an award, but since it was Katherine, I pretended I wasn't pleased until I retired to another room, where I laughed uproariously for quite some time.

Before you get all "Ohhh, poooor little Clara" on me, let me just point out that Clara is an annoying, pushy, conceited creature who deserves every pummeling that she gets. Whereas I am dainty and polite and would never even consider walking upon the One (nor will Nick; he was trained well), Clara will plod across her body anytime it suits her. The other night, she walked on the One's FACE because she wanted to get to the other side of the bed. Disgraceful.

Here are some other key differences between me and Clara:

Clara is a cow. I am a cat.

Clara never shuts up about how beautiful she is. I am so modest, there should be a humility award named after me.

Clara thinks her fur is white even though she is gray with stripes. I know what color my fur is.

Clara is horribly obese. I am perfectly proportioned for my height.

Clara is a member of the Snow Bengal clan, who claim to have blue blood but are unable to show any evidence thereof. I am the queen, so by definition, I am of royal birth.

Clara is useless. I am the queen, so I don't need to be of use - others must be of use to me.

Katherine feels safe pummeling Clara in the face for no reason. Katherine would not deign to show that kind of disrespect to me.