Friday, November 8, 2013

Diet Update

This morning, the One accused me of failing to take my diet seriously.

She is an ass.

I told her I would take my diet seriously as soon as she did the same with hers.

She has said nothing else on the matter since.

Nick embarrasses himself yet again.

This morning, my stupid brother Nick made a sound like a goose. There are a bunch of geese that live behind the palace, so I can only assume he was practicing in the hopes of opening a dialogue with them later, although I cannot imagine what he could possibly want to talk to them about. They're surly, unpleasant neighbors, and I, for one, would rather they moved on. Perhaps he believes them to be supporters of the rodent rebellion, and he hopes to use one as a spy.

This is what happens when one misplaces his tail and forgets how to be a proper cat.

You have my permission to shun him indefinitely.

(Don't look at me like that! He wrote in my blog without my permission - he deserves it.)

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Katherine is my Bane.

For some unknown reason, Katherine still lives in the palace. I've done everything I could to have her banished from the kingdom, but she's just always there, eating my food, being nearby, eating more of my food . . . I am convinced that the One could probably save so much money that she could quit that stupid job that she claims is so important if it weren't for Katherine and her appetite. The creature eats everything! She eats her food, and then she harasses my stupid brother Nick until he gives her the rest of his food, and then she eats the rest of my special, royal food when I'm finished. She goes out on the deck and eats leaves. She licks the One's food whenever she can get near it. She has fits if she thinks the One is going to forget our bedtime treats. It's incredibly unbecoming. I hate her.

Saturday, November 2, 2013

Status Quo at the Palace - Everyone Is Lazy but Me

The One Who Types keeps promising she'll keep up with my blog, but she's so lazy! People like to claim cats are lazy because we sleep a lot, but at least we're doing interesting things when we're awake! The One doesn't do anything that should interfere with her ability to type my blog for me - she doesn't even have to come up with the words on her own! I dictate the content - all she has to do is type. How hard is that? Honestly!

The status quo continues here in the palace. The bathroom nobody consulted me about is finished. It doesn't seem any better to me, other than the fact that my toys skitter quite satisfactorily across the new tile floor. And I do rather like the new closet, with it's little cat-sized cubbies for me to sit in. The new counter is higher than the old one, so Clara the Cow has to jump with a lot more effort to reach it when she wants to drink out of the faucet. It's fun to listen to her complain about that. She's obsessed with that faucet. She'd probably drink enough water to drown if the One didn't turn it off occasionally. Hmmm. Perhaps I can figure out how to turn the water on . . .