Monday, March 24, 2014

Yesterday, I had this conversation with the One Who Types

Me: I command you to update my blog today.

TOWT: Nora, I have a lot of work to do today.

Me: Correct. You have my blog to update. And you may refer to me as "Your Grace."

TOWT: I'll work for a while and then I'll take a break and update your blog.

Me: Yeah, right. I know what that means. You're going to watch Netflix all day and then do your work right before bed and then claim you don't have time to update my blog.

TOWT: No. I'm working right now - see?

Here, she showed me her computer screen, which didn't have my blog open on it, so I didn't give it a second glance.

TOWT: I get paid to do this work, so I have to do it first.

Me: Ahem. I allow you to live in my palace and be graced by my presence on a daily basis. I highly doubt that "job" you're so attached to honors you this way.

TOWT: It does not.

Me: Write my blog now.

TOWT: I'll get to it later, Nora.

Me: You're a liar. And also I hate you.

As it turned out, I was right. She IS a big liar. She didn't update my blog yesterday. You know what she did? Get this. She worked forever, and then she watched Netflix for the rest of the day! Just as I had predicted . . . except in the opposite order.

If I can find someone else who knows how to open a can, the One's days are numbered. She is the worst assistant I've ever had. If she didn't brush me sometimes, I'd shun her. And I'd make everyone else in the palace shun her, too. Except Katherine. I'd inflict Katherine upon her - being around Katherine is a punishment fit for the lowest, vilest villains of the earth.

Look at her. All smug and skinny
and toy-hoarding.

Now I'm going to go eat a whole dish of crunchy food. It serves the One right if I get diabetes.