Fairbanks: Her majesty the queen has sent me from the palace to negotiate the sale of a cow.
Cattle Rancher: Queen Nora is a beautiful, gentle, and benevolent ruler. Please let her know that she does us a great honor by sending one of her trusted minions to transact business with us.
Fairbanks: Yeah. I'll pass that along. So, she has this cow she wants to sell. She says it's a giant cow. Easily big enough to feed an entire army and still have meat left over to feed starving kids or whatever. She also says, as a gesture of good will, she will include a small cat in the bargain.
Rancher: This cow of which you speak sounds magnificent! Do you have her with you now?
Fairbanks: No. She's back at the palace, but I have a picture of her. I also have a picture of the small cat.
Rancher: We have no use for a small cat, but I am definitely interested in the cow.
Fairbanks: The small cat is a gift. Her majesty believes you will be quite pleased with her. She barely takes up any room at all.
Rancher: We really don't need a cat. Can I see the picture of the cow?
 |
| Gigantic Cow for Sale |
Rancher: That's not a cow.
Fairbanks: Her majesty says it's a cow. Contradicting her majesty is not recommended.
Rancher: That's a cat. I already told you we don't need any cats.
Fairbanks: I would advise you to keep your voice down. The queen is fond of beheadings.
Rancher: I'm not going to buy that ca . . . animal.
Fairbanks: She'll need a good reason. She tends to become cross when people don't do as she wishes.
Rancher: The reason is that she's trying to sell me a cat.
Fairbanks: She's trying to sell you a cow. And give you a small cat as a gift. You probably just looked at the wrong picture.
Rancher: Is that picture the cow she wants me to buy or the small cat she wants to give me for free?
Fairbanks: That's the cow. This is the cat. There's no way you could get them mixed up. One is small, and a cat. The other is the size of a small house, and a cow (according to her majesty).
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| Small cat free to any home that will take her. |
Rancher: That cat looks like she's the same size as the first one - it's just the picture that's a different size.
Fairbanks: I can assure you, the cow is much larger. I live with them both, so I'm an authority on their relative sizes.
Rancher: I . . . just realized I have enough cows. I'm not in the market to buy any more cows at this time.
Fairbanks: I shall pass on your message. Would you still like the small cat?
Rancher: No. I . . . don't need any cats.
Clearly, that cattle rancher is an idiot. If he can't tell the difference between a cat and a cow, I'm concerned for the entire beef industry. Next time you order a burger, you just keep this little story in mind.
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