Saint WHO???

I was shocked to find out that yesterday was a holiday entirely devoted to my stupid brother Nick. And, even MORE shocking, Nick has apparently been elevated to sainthood!!

Okay, folks. This is absolutely unacceptable. Nick's ego is already out of control because of the royalty thing - now you think it's appropriate to make him a SAINT?

Let me explain a few things about Nick.

First, Nick misplaced his tail. Yes. That's right. He had a tail. And then he didn't have a tail. And it's not like he just set it aside for later or sent it out to be cleaned - it's gone. He has no tail. Do you honestly think anyone stupid enough to lose his tail is worthy of sainthood?

"Where is his tail?" you might ask.
Where, indeed.

Second, Nick's best friend is a COW. You heard me. Nick - a royal prince destined to go down in history as the loyal brother of the queen herself - is best friends with a cow.

BFFs for life. Seriously.
The only thing that would be worse
would be if he were friends with Katherine.

Finally, Nick is whiny. When the imbecile, Shadow, lived with us. Nick bitched about him nonstop. I'm serious. He NEVER shut up. "Whaaaa, whaaaa, whaaa  - I don't like Shadow - make him leave me alone - why is Shadow here?" I have news for you, Nick. NOBODY liked Shadow. But did we wander around complaining like it was the end of the world? No. We bore his presence with quiet dignity, knowing that one day he would be gone and our lives would go back to normal.

Shadow
Nick's nemesis

Nick is not a saint. He is not even a teeny bit saintly. Plus, leaving socks and shoes out hoping Nick will put treats or toys in them is a complete waste of time. He may have put a toy in a shoe once, but I can assure you, it was a complete accident, and he promptly forgot he'd done it. I'll defend to my death Nick's right to be treated with the respect he deserves as a member of the royal family, but make no mistake: he is a buffoon of the highest order.

If I hear about people continuing this ridiculous St. Nick holiday nonsense next December, I'm going to be ordering a number of swift executions. Keep that in mind and make your choices accordingly.