I don't know who wrote it, but it was obviously someone extremely intelligent, and probably beautiful and deserving of a brushing as well (I'm assuming based on the quality of the writing).
Dear Palace Patrol Association,
There's someone who has barnyard animals on their palace property, and I don't like pigs or cattles for the following reasons:
1. They stink.
2. They are rude and fat and ugly.
3. Or they're skinny and bulimic and ugly.
4. They touch my stuff.
5. They have no manners.
6. They breathe my air.
7. They look at me.
8. No, I'm not a bigot against pigs and cows. I love them. They're especially delightful ground up in my breakfast.
9. They push unsuspecting lovely royalty off cliffs.
10. I hate them.
Doesn't this palace association have rules against livestock on the property?
You have until noon tomorrow to ground them into squishy food, or exile them to a desert island, where the pig will have to kill and eat the cow to sustain herself for the first day. After that, the pig will starve to death, and the world will be a better place.
Also, I think you should charge a fine to the disobedient resident who allowed these vermin on the property in the first place. You know where to find her.
Royally yours,
Anonymous
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