Wednesday, May 29, 2013

We wish to have a blog.

This is the blog of her royal highness, Nora Charles the First and Most Magnificent.

Typist, how many people are reading my blog?

No! Don’t type that! That’s not part of the blog. You are the worst dictation receiver we have ever met. If anyone else in this palace could type, we would have you beheaded at once.

[Editor’s Note: This was followed by a brief discussion regarding how I was to determine which comments she wanted me to include in the blog (”If it’s important, witty, or profound, obviously you shall include it in our blog”) and what to leave out (”If you can’t figure that out on your own, you’re even more useless than I thought”).]
 
Ahem.  Listen up.

This is the blog of her royal highness, Nora Charles the First and Most Magnificent.

You shall pay attention when I’m blogging or you shall rue . . . much. 

There will be much rueage …  ruing will be your final act in this life.

Listen or rue. Those are your options.

This is the blog of her royal highness, Nora Charles the First and Most Magnificent.

We are the queen of everything there is and ever shall be. We refer to ourselves as if we are plural to demonstrate our sovereignty. 

It has come to our attention that those who believe they have something important to say create a blog. Because we actually do have important things to say, we have instructed our steward to create a royal blog and take down our words, so that the world may benefit from our wisdom. 

We have also instructed our steward to remove all other blogs from the Internet and confirm that our blog is the only one anyone can read from now on. These other so-called bloggers did not ask our permission to blog, They also apparently thought writing about topics that are not me would go unnoticed. 

Bloggers of the Internet: Your impertinence has been noticed. You shall soon have your blogs ripped from your grasps and your heads removed from your bodies.

We shall now get down to the business of rectifying the fact that the Internet suffers from an embarrassing lack of truly meaningful content.

You're welcome.

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