When Nicks Cry: A Tale of Immeasurable Disappointment

A spectacular moment of triumph was ripped from my grasp this morning. I may never forgive my stupid brother Nick for interfering in what should have been the best day of my life (besides the moment Nick was deemed unworthy of the crown due to his tail misplacement and I was coronated in his place).

Fairbanks FINALLY agreed to execute Katherine. Whether his execution docket was so full that he just got around to her, or he's been slacking all this time, I can't say. I mean, who really knows where he disappears to when he's outside and nowhere to be found for hours? Perhaps he has been diligently carrying out my orders of execution all this time, and he's just been being humble when I've asked him where he's been, and he's said, "around."

Anyway, it was Katherine's time. Fairbanks lured her into the bathroom with a promise of extra squishy food, knowing the One would be closing the door during her shower, thus preventing Kat's escape.

Once the One was in the shower, Fairbanks attacked. An epic battle ensued (who knew Katherine was such a scrappy little thing?) with snarling and hissing and fur and toilet paper flying.

The aftermath

I listened gleefully for the sound of Katherine's lifeless body falling to the floor.

Instead, the sound I heard was Nick crying. I don't know if you have ever heard Nick cry, but it is a horrible, pitiful sound that echos throughout the palace and sets the teeth of all who hear it on edge.

Apparently, Nick was (in his words) "afraid someone was going to get hurt."

"Of COURSE someone is going to be hurt, stupid," I said, "that's what happens when someone is executed!"

Nick continued to howl, and Fairbanks opened the door to find out what he was so upset about. (Fairbanks either has a door-opening superpower he failed to disclose on his application for headsman, or the One didn't make sure the latch was true when she shut the door.)

So, the execution was put on hold while Fairbanks discussed the concept of "inside voice" with Nick and Katherine ripped off pieces of toilet paper and ate them. Because Katherine will eat anything.

Still alive.

I hate her.

If Nick weren't my brother, I'd have killed him myself, even if it IS unbecoming for a queen to soil her paws with manual labor. I think maybe his brains were in his tail.