Something is definitely up.

The One is behaving in an unusual manner. Generally, when she disrupts the routine something bad happens.

This morning, she got ready and left the house just like usual, but she did it an hour earlier than usual. You know what happens when the One gets up and leaves the house early? She leaves and doesn't come back for months! [Editor's Note: I have never gone on a vacation that lasted for months.]

So, we were all on high alert throughout the getting-ready routine . . . but no suitcase ever appeared. Nobody had any idea what was going on.

We don't know when she'll be back, but she didn't put out the self-feeder, so it better be soon.

I have concluded that the One either left for one of her "vacations," with a secretly packed suitcase, or she has a brain tumor.

I quite clearly told the One that she is not allowed to leave the palace again for a year. If she has gone on a THIRD vacation in two months, I will be cross. And you do not want that; trust me.

If she has a brain tumor, I . . . well, I'll still be cross – she IS the one who feeds and brushes me, and she does occasionally type my blog for me.

I remember when Joan – the only minion I ever had that was worth anything – had a brain tumor.

I will never have a better minion. 

If the One does have a brain tumor, and she expects me to feed her from a spoon or hold her close to me when she's sleeping, she can rethink that right now.

I guess I could order Fairbanks to put her out of her misery, if it became absolutely necessary. But not if it becomes necessary at naptime.