Let the beheadings begin!

The One Who Shall Forever Be Known as My Enemy has crossed me for the last time. This morning she shoved me and my brother, Nick, into cages and transported us against our will to the doctor's office. As you may remember, I made it quite clear that queens do not submit to examinations, much less shots. I am royalty; I do not get the diseases of commoners. [Editor's Note: I explained to Nora that the reason queens do not get the diseases of commoners is that they get their shots, but she wasn't listening.]

Not only were both Nick and I forced to endure physical exams, we were each given TWO shots - not one, as I had been originally expecting - TWO.

But that isn't even the worst part. The doctor's scale was broken, and My Enemy has now put me on a DIET. Yes, that's right. Because of the doctor's malfunctioning equipment, I am no longer allowed to eat whenever I like.

This is an OUTRAGE. I have already started handing down the royal orders for beheadings. First, obviously, are my Enemy and the doctor. Also, Clara the cow for actually being fat. And for laughing at me. Katherine, obviously, because I hate her. Everyone who works for the company that manufactured that faulty scale. And everyone else, to serve as an example of what happens when you cross me.

[Editor's Note: In fact, Nora is now only allowed to eat special squishy food, which, it turns out she loves, although that may be because I told her it was a treat.]

The fact that I like my new food is completely beside the point! I should get my own special squishy food every day ANYWAY, simply because I am the queen! You don't act like it's perfectly okay that you have accused me of being fat because you have now started doing something you should have been doing anyway.

I AM NOT FAT.

I will point out that neither Nick NOR Clara the cow is required to go on a diet, and they both weigh TONS more than I do. And if the doctor's scale worked properly, everyone would be able to see it.

I do not know how long I will survive on this new diet. I can already feel myself wasting away.

If you put a skinny cat on a diet, she will starve.

I think this may all be a plot, cooked up by my brother and Clara the cow to do me in and usurp my throne. That would explain why Nick has already forgiven my Enemy for subjecting us to that torture this morning. The joke is on them, though, because I have a clause in my will that disowns Nick if I die of mysterious causes (starvation is mysterious, as far as I'm concerned), so he will no longer have royal blood if their plan succeeds. HA! We'll see how he likes THAT!

I'm so hungry. This is the worst day of my life.