Valentine's Poems for Palace Dwellers

I just found out I missed Valentine’s Day. I guess this would explain why the One was gone and didn't feed us for an entire weekend [Editor’s note: I was gone for one night]. I’d like to commemorate the holiday with some poems I wrote for my housemates.

Clara claims she's a bundle of snow,
But there's something you should probably know.
Her papers have yet to be found,
And I think she's suspiciously round.
She may think she's purebred,
But she's out of her head.
Her secret's out now;
She's really a cow.

Fairbanks, oh Fairbanks.

Man with an axe,

Executioner extraordinaire.

Your whiskers glisten with carnage,

You strike fear into the hearts of all.

That toy you drag around the house makes you look like an idiot,

But you are fierce and loyal,

And generally worth what I pay you.

There once was a kitten named Nick,

Who wasn’t especially quick.

He was quickly disgraced,

When his tail he misplaced,

And he never found it again and still wanders around with no tail, the moron!


Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I hate Katherine
And you should too.